Bit melancholy. Been reading 'Crime and Punishment' for most of the evening, which is not a book calculated to channel my thoughts into light and airy regions! Full of people suffering horribly because of other people's misdeeds, and there's no promise of a happy ending! Which is one good thing about it - I really have no clue what's going to happen next: every plot-twist is a surprise, and it's actually a fairly gripping read. Not an easy read though - perhaps easier for me 'cause I can sympathise with the main character's continual lingering on the edge of madness, although it does bring a slight danger element into reading the book! Not perhaps a good idea when people are supposed to be watching me soon for signs of depression and mental illness! Ho hum....
Also heard some bad news today, which I won't go into. Will be praying about it shortly though - one of those times when you really can't afford not to pray! Have been struck somewhat by the severe limits of my ability to help people - God really needs to do a real 'loaves and fishes' thing with our efforts for us to make any real difference at all. And we do make a difference, even I make a difference, but that in itself is a miracle....
Fancy dress party tonight - thoroughly, thoroughly not in the mood! Think I struggle more with parties every year, but it's probably worse now from isolation - self-imposed isolation, and imposed for good reasons (hopefully!), but still not good. Gary's coming home on Saturday and it's probably none too soon! Anyway, I may well just not turn up in fancy dress, seeing as I can't think of anything much anyway, and count on everyone to forgive me and bear with it! Terrible attitude really - will have to see if it gets modified before then. Dressing up is fun, and most of the time I'm just not a fun person - not meaning to slag myself off, I think my senses are just a bit dulled or something. Or sometimes I'm just too aware that someone somewhere is in absolute torment....